


Numbing, Burning, Loving

by TeitoxAkashi



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 17:08:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16602104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeitoxAkashi/pseuds/TeitoxAkashi
Summary: “Baz?” Simon called me, softly as though not to aggravate me like I was some sort of a bloody scared animal. I wasn’t one, definitely, but I was feeling like one.





	Numbing, Burning, Loving

“Baz?” Simon called me, softly as though not to aggravate me like I was some sort of a bloody scared animal. I wasn’t one, definitely, but I was feeling like one. I heard him as clear as daylight, but I had no energy to acknowledge it, no mood to speak. Everything was muted around me, dull, grey. I heard, but none alert me enough to forcefully make me talk.

I leaned against the cold window, letting it ground me as I stared out into the horizon, numb. I heard Simon walk over, he walks loudly. It used to annoy me, but then I started finding comfort in it. That he walks loudly. It was the physical proof that he was there.

“Baz, are you alright?” He asked, tilting his head forward so that he would meet my eyes as my head leaned against the window. I didn’t even bother to move my head as I shifted my gaze. His blue orbs were so beautiful it always awed me, but at that moment, it did nothing but to made me more melancholic than I already was.

Crowley, just what had become of me that I associated _melancholia_ with myself?

I looked away, couldn’t bear letting him know, couldn’t bear bringing his emotion to the ground like how I was feeling. They say; the eyes are the window to the soul. It sounded preposterous because there is no one on this planet that can read someone’s thought simply just through their eyes. (Maybe through magic, but like hell if I know.) But I felt like Simon could. That he could see through me just as easily as I can light a fire.

Simon didn’t say anything when I looked away, but he was worried. Not _of_ me, _for_ me. I had half the mind to scream at him to just run away from me, from the monster in me that burn every single fucking day to be let lose.

He never did leave, did he? Every single time, he would be there. Every year when Watford started, he would come back, he would be there, annoying the brains out of me, charming the life out of me.

He never left.

“Baz.” He called again, sterner, wanting to get my full attention. Like I had already not given him my all. So, I looked again, anywhere but his eyes. He all but told me to scoot over a little, giving him room. When I didn’t move, he grunted and pushed me forward none too gently, slotting himself behind me and jabbed his right foot between the window and my side. I leaned back and tilted my head up, scowling at him as I practically sat in between his legs.

He gave me a cheeky look, before he looked towards the direction where I had stared at. Serene. I would fight him there and then, but honestly, I didn’t feel like it. It was warm, in his arms. I had always felt cold, so cold that no matter how many layers I put on, it would never go away, bone deep. But Simon, he was warm, he gave me warm.

I leaned my head on his chest, angling so that I was comfortable and could hear his heartbeat.

Ba-dump, ba-dump, steady, rhythmically.

I looked out, slowly feeling the numbness fade, every bad thing disappearing as though it was never there to begin with.

I felt a small kiss on my head, soft, gentle, loving and I don’t deserve it. I closed my eyes, hands gripping Simon’s. His fingers slotted into mind, squeezing. Grounding.

I opened my eyes again and saw him looking at me with so much love in his blue orbs.

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was rereading Carry On and the more I read the more I got struck with the Angst surrounding Baz and I just couldn't move on without writing this. I hurt so much. I wanna give Baz a tight hug. Please.


End file.
